feat(docs): add draft post on avoiding validation seeking

Author: lzwjava

_drafts/2025-07-12-seek-validation-en.md

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+---
+audio: false
+lang: en
+layout: post
+title: Avoid Seeking Validation
+translated: false
+generated: false
+---
+
+Seeking validation is probably common for most people. You need validation from parents, teachers, bosses, and others to survive or thrive in society.
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+If one is very rich, does one need validation? One may become very selective. One gives validation to others instead of seeking it. One just doesn't care about the opinions of others.
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+Has my teacher Yin Wang ever sought validation? It seems not. He dropped out of Tsinghua, Cornell, and Indiana Bloomington. He quit Microsoft, Intel, Google, etc.
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+As a person who seeks a lot of validation, I am learning from Yin Wang and starting to avoid seeking validation.
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+One forms this habit from very early on. One needs validation from parents to avoid being punished by them.
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+But what parents agree on may not be correct. Does playing on a mobile phone a lot to watch animations hurt their eyes? By wearing farsighted glasses, when they look at a mobile phone, it's just like watching a TV 5 meters away. Their eyes won't be deformed.
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+Is it probably hard to make kids wear farsighted glasses when watching animations on a mobile phone? I don't think so. If kids can choose between watching animations on a mobile phone while wearing eyeglasses or not watching them at all, I think most kids will choose the former.
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+So actually, a lot of thoughts or ideas from parents or average adults are not correct, or not absolutely correct. In this world, there are just so many ways to do things.
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+In my recent job, what's changed inside me is that I seek much less validation. I worked as a contractor for the same bank that I worked for two years ago, though this time, I am coming from another vendor.
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+Last time, I remember, when I had just worked for a month, I got my salary and then shared my thankfulness with my manager. I told him that even after logging off, I listened to a lot of backend engineering videos to learn. As I sent messages a little more, he then told me something like "good, keep up the work," and some other things like expressing that he doesn't need to hear those details and telling me to just focus on the job and do it fine—though he wasn't so direct, I could feel it.
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+Binance CEO Changpeng Zhao also says that he finds it unbearable to work with those who constantly seek validation. He likes to work with those who are confident. Managers are probably busy and don't have time to listen to things unrelated to the work.
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+My need to seek validation has also caused other trouble for me. It's like I want to prove myself too much. It has led to some conflicts with others. One thing is that it gets me involved in something I'm not responsible for. However, what I'm thinking is that I should speak out to make it better. Though I have a good heart and want things to become better, the way to do so is not by telling others how to do it. Correcting others is painful. I don't want to be corrected either.
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+In my recent job, I seldom seek validation and just do the job. Then it's fine, and I got some good feedback.
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+Another change in me is that I stopped posting in WeChat Moments almost two years ago. Before, I thought WeChat Moments was the world. Now, I think that WeChat Moments is to the world just like Line Status is to Japanese people. It doesn't matter as much as you think.
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+The world is very large. I lived in Guangzhou for a total of 15 years in two non-consecutive residences—half of my life as of now. If you take Guangzhou as the granted world, then it's probably wrong. One day, maybe I'll work in another city in another country, and develop code for billions of people to use.
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+Seeking validation is insecure behavior. That's a deep-rooted problem. It's hard to fix that. You need to find out what leads to it and start to fix the reason. You need to face fear directly.
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+The biggest fear for humans is probably death. If you start to embrace it, you have no regrets about living in this world at this moment. You think you have lived a good life. You think you do what you want to do. The more you think about it, the more you will feel secure.
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+I read some books by Morita Shoma. There are a lot of stories about fighting with self-contradictory mindsets. Pain is unavoidable. We accept it and continue to do what we should do instead of avoiding it. Things will start to get better.
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+Avoiding seeking validation saves your time and others' time too. It helps you find the trueness of yourself and the world. Humans are just a small part of the world. Their validation isn't that important, so why seek it?
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+Yin Wang's Weibo name became "the Yin who doesn't care about human beings anymore." I didn't understand it initially. After mulling over it time and time again in recent years, I start to appreciate it.
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+Newton didn't care about his fellows, so he found the principles of nature. Yin Wang doesn't care about his fellows, so he found the principles of computer programs and beyond. They don't seek validation and sometimes even hide what they discover to avoid arguments with people who are seeking validation.
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